It seems to be raining man stealing hussys this week :)

over 10 years ago
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The Psychic Surgeon (monika_lee)

8 posts

What is it about the lead up to Spring that causes women to get all kleptomanical? I have had no less then 15 women this week get in touch about someone wandering off with their man. The two commonalities I get given with each woman is that whoever is unlucky enough to have him right now is a home wrecking Angelina Jolie and that they want to know what I am going to do to bring him back. I find both heartbreaking.

Lets deal with the girl with sticky fingers first. Important thing to remember in a crisis, this woman owes you nothing, and it’s not personal. Hard to remember and see at the time, but firstly nine times out of ten she has no clue who you are. He is unlikey to get out a family album and go look this is Suzy she is a great gal, but hey I need a bit of strange so woop woop you just won the man lotto. More times then not they don’t know you exist, till it is too late.

Who grows up saying hmm I can be a doctor, a ballerina, a firelady. Ohhh no I am gonna be a man stealing whore, that is going to be way more fun. All those late nights hoping for a quick text while the wife is putting the kids to bed. Crying when he tells me it’s not that he doesn’t want to violate me long term he is just trapped because they had kids by accident. Before he knew me and how fabulous I was.

My question is always, ok bad her but what about him? He didn’t trip and land in her mouth by accident. So why is it not at the very least a 50/50 kinda hate? You penis people have much to answer for. But boys and girls this is not even the worrying thing for me. People are self indulgent tools more often then not. And the list of whys is exhaustive, sad but true story bro.

What is mind numbing for me is the Jennifer Anistons who get left behind and lose their damn minds. I have begun in the last 500 years to believe women/men who are cheated on and abandoned develop crack problems very soon after being dropped from a height. Because the stuff they say to me leads me to very often say out loud to them, ARE YOU HIGH???

I wonder what color the sky is where they live, and if 200 proof vodka is the new water. When he sleeps with your sister, your neighbor, the neighbors dog, and some randomer he met in the starbucks line this is a good indication he has some issues. Monogamy blows for everyone at some point.

You fall in love and say oh Big Daddy you are the only one for me. And then a few years down the road you see another Big Daddy and think oh my how decorative :) But looking and going yum yum is normal, and no one is immune to having a day where your man breathes and you think how lovely would this day be if he didn’t do that pesky breathing in AND out all the freakin time. But that doesn’t mean the guy at your local gas station gets “boarding” privileges. That would be bad mmkay.

So I listen with my mouth open wondering why on earth would you be on your knees talking about bring him back. I always ask if it’s to tattoo loser on his you know what :) No one has said yes yet :( They want him back because in spite of the many signals he gave before he went on a pokeathon they LOVE him. Underneath his serial cheating ways he is lovely and no one understands their love. And again so very often it is twin flame shit. I cannot fathom how horrific it is to be alone that to avoid it you would beg borrow and voodoo to get a wandering peepee back home

I am happily single, I do not belong to a man haters coffee club, nor am I relationship phobic. And if I met someone who could dazzle me and keep up with me I would be all up in his chili very happily. I have learned an important lesson when it comes to relationships through my work. Don’t advertise your man…

Are you in possession of a yummy Mr. Big? If so when your bitches ask what he is like, tell them he has issues showering, and you are considering putting in a wet room entry to the house on the off chance he might catch clean. Tell them his table manners are so bad you eat in the living room so you can look at the tv during meals rather then have the vomorama of watching him consume his food.

Make him as unappealing on paper as you can, because a curious and bored woman will turn your world upside down.