Active Listening

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When you know you’re going to discuss things with a partner or family member, mentally prepare yourself ahead of time.

Send them love and visualize the situation being one, where people can communicate in a calm peaceful manner.

See every person as an important person with thoughts, feelings, and emotions like you. See them as people who have the same basic needs as you. Love, support, and encouragement.

Find a quiet place where there are no distractions like video games, television, phones, and other intrusions. Make it a rule to turn things off when people are speaking.

Let each person say what they think and feel without interrupting them. Stop thinking about what you’re going to say. Listen to what they’re saying.

Allow them to feel what they feel. It’s perfectly normal to feel what they feel in their experience. Validate their feelings. Accept their point of view for what it is in the moment and know it’s temporary, know the way they will feel a few hours later or the next day.

Let go of judgment, personal attacks, getting even, and pay backs. This isn’t about getting revenge. It’s about taking a healthy approach and getting to the root of the problem.

Acknowledge we can all be confused and distort our perceptions time to time. It doesn’t make it right or wrong. It’s how we communicate in a negative or positive way.

Make eye contact and pay attention to body language.

Step into the other persons shoes. What would it be like to be on that side of the relationship from their point of view. Are you the easiest person to get along with?

Avoid giving advice unless they’ve asked you for advice. We sometimes want to play know it all, and save the world. Sometimes people just need a sounding board and someone to listen.

Ask questions to clarify what they’re saying if you still don’t understand.

Paraphrase what they’eve said. “I hear you saying.” “I see you’re hurt by this.”

Wait for them to answer and stop yourself from projecting what you believe they are saying. Let them clarify what they mean.

We get in trouble when we conclude, assume, and project.