Friends with Benefits

over 7 years ago
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⚜ Count Marco ⚜ (countmarco)

129 posts

An ever becoming popular phrase of how people describe their relationship is “Friends with Benefits. (FWB)” Broadly speaking this is when two friends decide to have a purely sexual relationship with each other, with no strings attached. Often they have agreed that they continue to take other or numerous other partners without it effecting their agreement to continue to enjoy their friendship and sexual relationship.

It sounds simple but it is not without its pitfalls. It does require some careful planning and navigation for it to have any chance of success. It is a subject I give guidance on extensively.

The Pros and cons seem to be as follows:

Sex is easily available without any limitations or any pressure on both parties involved.

No need to follow the whole charade of buying drinks for each other, flirting, or dating, both can just get together have a great time – no strings attached.

You are not having to fulfill your desires by sleeping with just any one night stand, who you do not know at all. You are with after all your dear friend.

When people find that they are just too busy with other aspects of their life to pursue, find and dedicate the commitment required to develop and maintain a full relationship.

Both parties can still pursue all their other interests including dating and arranging similar arrangements with other partners. There is no commitment in real terms from one to the other.

I believe whilst it hypothetically it seems such a simplistic and ideal scenario, the reality can be very different.

The problems arise when someone agrees to the terms of this type of relationship but does not really want one; they are only using it to get closer to that person, in the hope that they can convince them further down the line to “choose” them exclusively.

Feelings develop and change so one partner may start to want more from the other and start to feel levels of jealousy when their FWB partner is actively seeking a relationship (or actually having sex) with others on social media, dating sites and so forth.

So what is the solution? Firstly if you really decide you would like to give it a go, like with any agreements, discuss the detail. The devil is definitely in the detail! Discuss terms and conditions that suit you both. Agree to review how you are both feeling regularly, very regularly! This must include if either of you start to feel more for the other, what action you both agree to take?

Agree the rules on “other lovers” quite often in FWB relationship both parties decide only to take each other at this particular time as their only friend with benefits; others choose to keep the field wide open, both agreeing to continue to pursue other possible partners. What will the rule be then? An appropriate one would be that they at least stay safe and keep each other informed of their activities. Full honesty will certainly be required so each person knows at all times the true reality and can decide if it is still something they want to continue to be involved in. You have to also be realistic that as your continue to be involved sexually, there is a high chance as intimacy develops, that your feelings will change and also develop, you are not made out of stone – feeling will seep through, possibly grow deeper and the relationship will change. Alternatively you could find that your FWB grows bored of you as the initial passion cools and wishes to move on. It will not and cannot remain static and unaffected as time passes by and more factors come into play. It can work but in my experience it will be short lived.

If anything I have written has effected you, or you wish for further guidance on this highly emotive subject do not hesitate to contact me for a reading, where I would be happy to delve deeper and look at your own personal situation. Be assured I make no judgement on people’s personal relationships. I have a wealth of experience in this area and have helped many people to resolve issues surrounding a friends with benefits relationship. I am also excellent at the study of time lines.

I send you Blessings.

Count Marco